A friend of mine recently told me he was getting divorced from his wife of over 20 years. I wasn’t surprised at all. Over the past 5 years, I’ve watched this friend shift his belief system and identity. He’s not the same person he was 5 years ago. He doesn’t want the same things he wanted 5, 10, or 20 years ago. His imagined future self no longer involves him being married to the woman he once believed he would be with forever.
My friend’s choice is his own. My interest as a psychologist is understanding how these things happen.
This article explains how our identity and goals are formed. It also shows how you can intentionally “slow boil” yourself into whoever you want to be. Indeed, we have all slow boiled into the person we are now and are actively slow-boiling into someone.
The question is: Who are you “slow-boiling” into? And are you slow-boiling into the person you really want to be? Eventually, the slow boil becomes a point of no return — and you’re no longer the same person.